his boyness

I have been thinking a lot lately about how much I cherish J's "boyness". His high pitched boy voice. His knobby often bruised knees. His lopsided smirk and smiling eyes. The splash of freckles across his nose. His insistence on being in the same room as I am, regardless of what I'm doing (I'm watching TV, he's shooting the dog with his Nerf guns or wrestling with his animals or jumping off my footboard with a plastic lid used as a skateboard). His carefully negotiated rights to sleep in my bed on weekends, holidays and "special occasions." The way he still comes into my room at 2 am. His unmatched and often dirty clothes. His yellow teeth. The remnants of food that can always be found on the corners of his mouth. The sheer joy he experiences jumping on the trampoline. The fearless way he hurls himself into the pool at all angles. The way he tosses back his head in laughter. The way he insists on riding his bike along with me when I go running, always negotiating a shorter route. His text to me from Kids Club saying "I'm in hell." The way he insists on pooping in my toilet and showering in my shower. His lack of self consciousness walking around naked after his morning shower. The way he sleeps with 20 stuffed animals piled onto his bed.

I'm sad, because my little J is almost 10 and I know his boyness is coming to an end. Soon his voice will change and he will begin locking his door when changing clothes (as his sister has done for over a year now). His boyish face will get pimples that he will be self-conscious of. He'll begin styling his mop of hair and demanding to have it cut. He'll brush his teeth of his own accord. He'll stop hugging me in public, and be horrified at the thought of sleeping in my bed.

I think I'm particularly sensitive to it because it feels like I turned around and my darling sweet little girl had disappeared into a beautiful tall slender fashion conscious short skirt wearing texting maniac who has precious little time for mom. I still adore her and much of the time she still likes me, which is good news. But it hurts a little that she's so grown up and I miss my baby girl. I just want to enjoy them while I still have them.

J will always be my little man. I think I will always have a tender spot in his heart. And today he's still my little boy. I just kissed him goodnight and he said "see you at 1."

hee hee