Naked Norseman shows his Longship (Viking Trouser Malfunction)

Ok so I don't know why I find this so hilarious, but its all over the internet now. Probably because I just happened to catch the event live on TV. And I love that headline, which I stole from Bob's Blitz (http://njfrogman.blogspot.com/).

Mysteriously the youtube video I linked to yesterday was taken down. Part of the vast right wing patriarchal conspiracy I think. So, here's the picture. And check out baldy, whaddya think he's looking at? Meanwhile the guy holding the football is giving a poignant speech dedicating the game ball to the coach's son who is joining the armed forces on Monday. The funniest part is that when said naked guy was interviewed he said something to the effect of "its not so bad, at least there was no shrinkage."














And here's the video.

And here's a particularly funny write up which echoes my own sentiment for your enjoyment.

Fox Television Cameraman Fails in the Worst Way Possible, Show Some Vikings Junk on TV Posted Dec 7th 2008 7:38PM by Will Brinson (author feed)Filed under: Lions, Vikings, NFL Media Watch It's commonly understood that in locker rooms of professional athletic teams, there are, very often, naked men. That's because they change there; it's no surprise. So, when you're a cameraman for FOX and you head into the locker room on a live feed to listen to the owner Zygi Wilf give the Minnesota Vikings an inspirational speech about Brad Childress' son leaving for the military, do yourself a favor: look around, scan the room, and if any players are not wrapped in towels or have their junk hanging out in any manner, don't turn the camera on. This is not what you would call "good news" for the boys at Fox, and you have to imagine that if CBS is going to get attacked for showing some sideboob in the middle of the Super Bowl, there will be repeated mention of the, um, sidejunk. Which I think is an okay thing to say. Hopefully.

Penis Shot on Fox

So by some odd coincidence I walked into my living room this afternoon just as Fox was cutting to a locker room shot with the Minnesota Vikings. And I swear to God I saw a penis. In disbelief, I rewound the shot in slowmo a couple times and yes, lo and behold, there was a penis! And a big one at that. So I spent awhile tonight trying to find some news on it and it hasn't been mentioned by any media that I could find. I don't understand! This is worse than the Janet Jackson boob shot I think, although it was very brief. I swear I saw it the first time it played.

Anyway, I finally found it on youtube and just so's you don't think I'm lyin, I've pasted the link below: (notice how he has to pan down to get the whole thing in the shot)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YNG3uzV5vHI

basghetti

j: what's for dinner?
me: spaghetti
j: wait . . . you know how to make that?

I don't know what took me so long in life to figure out this easiest of meals that my kids love. I guess mainly its because I hate spaghetti and always have, so its not something I'd make for myself or eat under any circumstances.

But, in my ongoing and constantly failed/renewed quest to provide healthy family dinners for me and the kidlets, I bought some spaghetti noodles and ragu sauce at the grocery store this weekend. And it was such a hit, J was actually making grunting eating noises as he shoved it in his face so fast he must have thought it would disappear. And going on about how great the sauce was! Seriously, I boiled noodles for 9 minutes then dumped some sauce right out of the jar, and I'm a freakin gourmet. I've earned a new respect in my kids' eyes.

Who knew?

Everybody's an Expert

I have to admit that for the first time in my life I've become a political junkie. I am addicted to CNN. I love Anderson Cooper in his tight black t-shirt standing in flood waters up to his waist. Is he gay? God I hope not.

Anyway, on Larry King tonight the panel consisted of Charles Barkley and Ben Stein. Wait. What's that, you say? Charles Barkley and Ben Stein?? Really???

So Charles was asked by Larry what he thought of the economic plans proposed by Obama and McCain and he literally said something to the effect of "I don't know enough about either plan to say, but I believe what Ben Stein said. I'll let the economics people weigh in on that." Ok, so exactly what value was Charles there to bring? Don't get me wrong, I love CB when he's in bar fights or blasting his arrogant views, but he's just got no place on a political commentary show.

Coming Up Next . . .

. . . Bill Clinton makes his first appearance at the Democratic National Convention . . . analysis of today's events . . . Hillary Clinton addresses the convention . . . AND . . . Michelle Obama's dress - hit or miss?

Really? Did I really just hear that come out of Brian Williams' mouth in prime time on national television during the Democratic National Convention? Are we so freaking superficial and immature as a nation that we must dedicate prime time to analyzing Michelle Obama's wardrobe and fashion sense? Have you EVER, EVER heard comment made about ANY political man's attire? EVER?

I'm embarassed. Seriously.

Father's Day

I hate Father's Day. Really. This year in particular, its a day that I spend feeling isolated from the rest of society. While everyone is gushing about the heroics of their fathers, the life lessons learned, the love, the leadership, etc, I sit and feel like I'm the only person on the planet that doesn't feel that way about my dad.

Is it normal that people feel this way about their dads? This year was especially sentimental because of the unfortunate passing of Tim Russert. The focus all weekend was on him and his father worship. Hell, he wrote two books about the guy. It just seems odd to me that people really feel this way about their dads. Am I the exception, or the rule?

Don't get me wrong, I love my dad. He did teach me some life lessons. He taught me to take responsibility for my actions. He taught me that you won't get what you don't ask for. He taught me how to live simply and frugally. He taught me to speak grammatically correctly. He taught me how to play sports, where I learned to win sometimes but mostly lose, and I learned to be a team player. He taught my sister how to drive drunk without getting pulled over, a skill she practices regularly. But honestly, mostly he was absent, doing his own thing. I think the five us were a big burden to him. I even think he resented us sometimes, because of all he had to give up. He couldn't really live his own life from the tender age of 19 when my mom got knocked up. After that, all his time, money, resources were sucked away from him. When he finally accomplished his dream of owning his own business it failed, probably due to his lack of education and business judgment, and we lost everything. He was sometimes angry, often quiet, mostly gone from what I remember.

But sometimes he was happy. My favorite memories of him were seeing him playing his guitar on the back porch, a weed clenched between his teeth.

He left my mom within weeks of my youngest brother graduating from high school and joining the navy. Weeks before I got engaged. I didn't have a father/daughter dance at my wedding (I was angry). And by that time he was living with the hall monitor at the high school where he taught, presumably whom he'd left my mother for. I can't blame him for leaving my mom, even then, but I did feel deeply abandoned. I got over it.

I don't have angry feelings towards my dad. I think I understand him. I do love him and mostly I'm just grateful to accept what he can give as a dad. Sometimes (often) I'm ambivalent about him. He doesn't have a lot of impact or influence in my adult life. Often when I refer to my dad, my kids will say, "wait, who's your dad?" and I have to describe him in terms of he and his wife and where they live. Only a year ago I mentioned my dad and my son said, "ya know mom, I don't think I've ever met your dad." And I had to explain that yes he had, that my dad was grandpa. And he said, "who's grandpa?" Sigh. It doesn't really bother me though, honestly. That's my dad, that's what he has to give.

But I don't worship him.

what I like least about my job

is following people back to their offices after they've been fired, and loitering outside their offices attempting to be inconspicuous whilst watching them pack up their personal effects and making sure they don't take any company property, then keeping an eye on them until they walk out the door, get in their cars and drive away. There is real human pain there. Shame and humiliation and anger. I don't mind the termination meeting so much. Well, I hate it but I don't have a problem holding people accountable, which is ultimately what the termination meeting is. But I hate the dirty work afterwards. You do your best to give people dignity in a situation where it is almost impossible to feel dignified. On a rare occasion it works, but more often not. It didn't work today. Mostly they just want to get the hell outta there without drawing any attention, but sometimes they want to take their anger out on you.

Yeah, that was the kind of day I had today. The dignity thing definitely didn't work. As I was peering down the stairs to ensure the person had exited, she entered the stairwell behind me, promting my surprised response "oh, there you are" aka "yes I was spying on you to make sure you didn't take anything or speak to anyone and that you left the building in an orderly and expedient fashion because surely you can't be trusted to behave after being canned like that."

Ugh.

Overheard in my nail salon today

Nail tech: When your baby due?
Poor lady: She's four months old

ouch!