My darling daughter has turned 13. My little one. My baby girl. Its hard to imagine where the time has gone. And it will continue to fly by. She's been taller than me for awhile. Her shoe size passed mine in 6th grade. And she met me eye to eye by the beginning of 7th. Somewhere in the last 8 mos she's gotten an inch or so on me. But she still weighs 15 pounds less than me!
Its feels odd now to hug her, or have her throw HER arm around MY shoulders. I want to be the protector, the lioness, mama bear. But she's quickly outgrowing the need for my protection and guidance. It makes a big part of me sad, while the rest of me beams with pride at the young lady she's becoming.
Twelve was a tough year. She faced difficult choices with friendships, boys, and activities. Sometimes she made bad choices. Often she rebelled, just for the sake of rebelling, and pulling on that fabric that binds us together. Often she made good choices though. And, most importantly, she does learn from her bad choices. She kept her grades up and did a great job in cheer, which required a lot of dedication and hard work.
We're in a really good place right now. She is open about her love and admiration for me, as I am for her. Trust me, we have our moments. But I'm hopeful that 13 will be easier than 12. Perhaps I'm just kidding myself. But one can hope. Mostly I just feel blessed by her presence in my life, and I often marvel that such a bright, funny, socially gifted child came from my own body. And I will enjoy the time I have left with her greatly before she spreads her wings and takes flight.
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
OC Marathon
Well I did it! I met my goal of running a marathon before I turned 40, beat it by almost a year in fact. I'm so relieved that I don't have that hanging over my head anymore. But I also don't think I'll have the need to do it ever again.
The first half went beautifully. My and my sis bonded at the start line and offered up a prayer to goddess for strength, power, and endurance. Then we took off.
I felt really good for the first few miles. There were lots of downhills and it wound through beautiful neighborhoods, along the coast and through a natural wetlands area. I was frustrated because I had to stop and poo around mile 6 even though I'd taken an immodium. I think I wasted about 10-15 min in line, it seemed like forever.
I started getting real tired around mile 10 but kept going although I walked through all the water stops. At mile 12 the marathon split from the half marathon and I was really envious of those folks turning left towards their finish line. I was tired. I thought of my sister who would be done soon, and my other two sisters who were already done with their 5k. And I thought about how long they would be waiting for me to finish, and whether or not they'd be drunk by the time I got there. My path took me up a giant hill over a freeway (which I walked) and then wound through streets. At mile 13 I asked a cop what time it was and he said 9:25 so I knew I had done well on the half despite the bathroom break.
After the first half my agreement with myself was that I would walk/run the rest as I felt I could. We passed our hotel and I thought briefly that I could just go on up and lay down, it was tempting. Then we wound through a mall and a guy cheered for me and said "only 10 more miles" and I said "Really? Only 10 more?" and he laughed but I was serious because I hadn't seen a mile marker in awhile and I wasn't sure. I knew I could pull off 10 more.
But then the sun came out. Miles 17 and 18 dragged on and on. When I saw mile marker 19 I was furious because I thought for sure it would be mile 20, so I gave a mental "f-u" to mile marker 19. When I hit 20 I started to feel some desperation with the heat and knowing I had 6 miles left. But I knew I could do 6. I ran the downhills and some flat parts until my body was just screaming at me to stop. My hamstrings were aching and my feet were burning.
Until mile 23 we were running along this moldy wash with desert on the other side and not a body in sight aside from the desperate marathoners around me. I was pissed that they couldn't come up with some better scenery for this part. I was quite tempted to hitch a ride on the ambulance parked there for runners in trouble. I was repeating over and over in my head "never ever never ever never ever again".
In mile 24 we went through this sort of bad neighborhood and I was staring longingly at the grass along the sidewalk just imagining how nice it would be to lay down for just a minute. But I knew that if I did that I wouldn't get up again, and someone would call the paramedics and I'd get carted off.
Mile 25 I started running again, thinking I have at least another mile in me. But, I didn't. As I approached the fairgrounds I could see the finish line and I started running again only to be fooled by such trickery as a detour to take us all the way around before we got to the finish line. Mean spirited marathon planners! As I passed the 26 mile marker I was listening to "Dick in a Box" and I had to chuckle at that, as I know I'll always remember what I was listening to as I brought this challenge to a close.
So, I started running again because I had to be running when the sistahood saw me. I heard them before I saw them and broke into this wide goofy grin, and temporarily forgot about my bodily pain. They were screaming at the top of their lungs, and one of them jogged alongside me outside the barriers. It was so awesome to have them there. When I crossed the finish line I didn't feel that joy and elation and emotion that some marathoners report, but I did feel a huge sense of relief and I did get a little teary hugging my sisters. When I finally was able to lay down in the grass, they stripped off my shoes and started rubbing my feet!! Then one snagged a massage table for me and I was able to get my legs and feet stretched and massaged, it was incredible.
I love my sistas and am so grateful that they accompanied me along this journey.
The first half went beautifully. My and my sis bonded at the start line and offered up a prayer to goddess for strength, power, and endurance. Then we took off.
I felt really good for the first few miles. There were lots of downhills and it wound through beautiful neighborhoods, along the coast and through a natural wetlands area. I was frustrated because I had to stop and poo around mile 6 even though I'd taken an immodium. I think I wasted about 10-15 min in line, it seemed like forever.
I started getting real tired around mile 10 but kept going although I walked through all the water stops. At mile 12 the marathon split from the half marathon and I was really envious of those folks turning left towards their finish line. I was tired. I thought of my sister who would be done soon, and my other two sisters who were already done with their 5k. And I thought about how long they would be waiting for me to finish, and whether or not they'd be drunk by the time I got there. My path took me up a giant hill over a freeway (which I walked) and then wound through streets. At mile 13 I asked a cop what time it was and he said 9:25 so I knew I had done well on the half despite the bathroom break.
After the first half my agreement with myself was that I would walk/run the rest as I felt I could. We passed our hotel and I thought briefly that I could just go on up and lay down, it was tempting. Then we wound through a mall and a guy cheered for me and said "only 10 more miles" and I said "Really? Only 10 more?" and he laughed but I was serious because I hadn't seen a mile marker in awhile and I wasn't sure. I knew I could pull off 10 more.
But then the sun came out. Miles 17 and 18 dragged on and on. When I saw mile marker 19 I was furious because I thought for sure it would be mile 20, so I gave a mental "f-u" to mile marker 19. When I hit 20 I started to feel some desperation with the heat and knowing I had 6 miles left. But I knew I could do 6. I ran the downhills and some flat parts until my body was just screaming at me to stop. My hamstrings were aching and my feet were burning.
Until mile 23 we were running along this moldy wash with desert on the other side and not a body in sight aside from the desperate marathoners around me. I was pissed that they couldn't come up with some better scenery for this part. I was quite tempted to hitch a ride on the ambulance parked there for runners in trouble. I was repeating over and over in my head "never ever never ever never ever again".
In mile 24 we went through this sort of bad neighborhood and I was staring longingly at the grass along the sidewalk just imagining how nice it would be to lay down for just a minute. But I knew that if I did that I wouldn't get up again, and someone would call the paramedics and I'd get carted off.
Mile 25 I started running again, thinking I have at least another mile in me. But, I didn't. As I approached the fairgrounds I could see the finish line and I started running again only to be fooled by such trickery as a detour to take us all the way around before we got to the finish line. Mean spirited marathon planners! As I passed the 26 mile marker I was listening to "Dick in a Box" and I had to chuckle at that, as I know I'll always remember what I was listening to as I brought this challenge to a close.
So, I started running again because I had to be running when the sistahood saw me. I heard them before I saw them and broke into this wide goofy grin, and temporarily forgot about my bodily pain. They were screaming at the top of their lungs, and one of them jogged alongside me outside the barriers. It was so awesome to have them there. When I crossed the finish line I didn't feel that joy and elation and emotion that some marathoners report, but I did feel a huge sense of relief and I did get a little teary hugging my sisters. When I finally was able to lay down in the grass, they stripped off my shoes and started rubbing my feet!! Then one snagged a massage table for me and I was able to get my legs and feet stretched and massaged, it was incredible.
I love my sistas and am so grateful that they accompanied me along this journey.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)